PHEROMONE REPLACEMENT THERAPY: DOING OUR LAUNDRY AND THE THREE PURE PRECEPTS
Zen practice is about getting our clothes dirty and doing our laundry. And passing the smell test!
Before the ecstasy, the laundry. "After the ecstasy, the laundry."
This practice is not about living in the clouds or hiding in the dirt. If or when we hide in the clouds, we can develop a stink of Zen. If—and when—we hide in the dirt, we can develop a “stink of therapy”.
"Not Two, Not One, Not Zero"
In Zen, there are three foundations of practice:
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Wisdom (Prajñā),
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Compassion (Karuṇā)
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The Precepts (Sīla)
Wisdom points to the part of life where every single person and thing share an innate similarity. In the Zen tradition, this is sometimes called the absolute, oneness, the One, or not two. But similarity sounds more accessible and helpful to me.
Even more, if I translate Buddhist jargon to English, the absolute is vulnerability.
When we see—and innately realize—that we are all similar, we can appreciate our similarities and act with greater wisdom.
Compassion points to the part of life where every single person and thing share an innate difference. In the Zen tradition, this is sometimes called the relative, twoness, or not one.
If I translate Buddhist jargon to English, the relative is love.
Using myself as an example, some of my random uniquenesses are that I enjoy playing the drums, hate eating broccoli, and get grumpy when I run too many errands at one time and miss "home".
When we see—and innately realize—that we are all kinda, majorly different, we can appreciate our differences and act with greater compassion.
This is the heart of the precepts and ethical, wholesome living—knowing how to act with both wisdom and compassion at the same time in real life, our real life, this real life—with loved ones, friends, bosses, people we see as jerks or even our enemies, and everyone in between. I call this "Not Zero".
And if I further refine Buddhist jargon to English, the precepts are intimacy.
"Good" and "Evil"
In Zen precept study, the first three precepts are known as the “Three Pure Precepts”:
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Do not do evil — embrace vulnerability as wisdom
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Do good — embody compassion as love
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Serve others — live the precepts as intimacy
We don’t deny evil; we simply can't. Denying evil or wishing it away is an illusion; and a darn shame too, if you ask me. Evil needs to be called out.
It is super hard to define evil, but my working definition is inflicting unnecessary harm to others or ourselves.
In fact, when I ran a draft of this essay by a therapist friend, they rightfully challenged my initial definition of evil. In the draft, I defined evil as the "intentional" harm of others or ourselves, though they pushed back, rightfully so. Harm does not need to be intentional to be harm. Definitions can be tricky business, can't they?
Similarly, we don’t deny good; we simply can't. Denying good or wishing it away is an illusion; and a darn shame too, if you ask me. Good needs to be called in.
As hard as it is to define evil, it is also super hard to define good, but my working definition is proactively bringing love and intimacy to others or ourselves.
So, whether in our own life or on the geopolitical stage at large, it is okay—and absolutely necessary—to acknowledge evil and refrain from it.
Likewise, whether in our own life or on the geopolitical stage at large, it is okay—and equally necessary—to acknowledge good and engage in it.
More than that, when we see harm in ourselves or others’ actions, we respond appropriately in those circumstances as best we can to serve the greater good. This is the practice of doing good.
When we see someone do harm, it is the most natural, reasonable thing to feel negative feelings. It is quite disturbing to bear witness to evil. I’d be way more worried if this weren’t the case in any one of us.
When we see someone do good, it is also the most natural, reasonable thing to feel positive feelings. It is quite heartwarming to bear witness to good. I’d also be way more worried if this weren’t the case in any one of us.
"Calling Out to Hungry Hearts"
There can be a tendency for Zen students to hide out and indulge in positive feelings, a rarified version of truth, life, and who I should be.
It is quite natural to desire feeling good, yet this too is a desire that can be clung to and inadvertently cause harm to ourselves and others.
If everything must be good, by necessity, there must be a bad guy somewhere. We have enough suffering in this world; we do not need to manufacture any more bad guys, ok?!
This is tough medicine, but there is no such thing as a perfect self. Living in this phantasy can feel safer, but it is not entirely true.
Negative emotions are there for a reason. They tell us that something doesn’t exactly feel right. If we can’t acknowledge that, we surely can’t respond with care, concern, and compassion.
"Calling In to Hungry Hearts"
Hiding out is not unique to Zen. We all do it to a degree. Heck, there is definitely a time and place to seek refuge where we are and even where we are not.
In one of my worlds outside of Zen, I am a practicing psychologist and therapist. It is an amazing place to be, and it can also be a place to hide.
Like a Zen student, there can also be a tendency for therapy clients to hide out and indulge in negative feelings, a rarified version of hurt, life, and who you should be.
It quite natural to desire validation, yet this too is a desire that can be clung to and inadvertently cause harm to ourselves and others.
If everything must be bad, by necessity, there must be a good guy somewhere. We have enough suffering in this world; we do not need to manufacture any more good guys, ok?!
This is tough medicine, but there is no such thing as a perfect other. Living in this phantasy can feel safer, but it is not entirely true.
"The Pheromone Laundry Setting"
Shit happens! Miracles happen too! How we respond to them matters most!
It is good and helpful to see where we are similar to, and different from, others. Without it, there is no real, true compassion. We cannot serve illusory others we create in our minds.
Whether we use the cold or hot water laundry setting, accepting ourselves and others as we and they are is hard, damn hard! It is not about minimizing harm or being apathetic to it.
True compassion—ethical, wholesome living—begs us to accept ourselves and others as we are. Yet, do not do evil. Do good. And serve others always.
Before the ecstasy, after the ecstasy; Before Buddha, after Buddha; Before God, after God:
Embrace vulnerability as wisdom.
Embody compassion as love.
Live the precepts as intimacy.