Before God, After God—"One Continuous Mistake"!

(This post is based on one previously published by the author on another website in September 2017)

It has been a few weeks since the Jewish High Holiday season. While Yom Kippur is a holy day set aside for atonement, each and every day can be a day of atonement.

When we sit in meditation, we practice atonement. When we go about our day-to-day, ordinary life, we practice atonement. We always practice returning to who we really are.

When I first started practicing meditation, I was blessed to spend time with and learn from Rabbi Don Ani Shalom Singer Sensei. To the best of my knowledge, Rabbi Singer was the only ever ordained Rabbi and Dharma transmitted Zen teacher. He often taught that meditation itself is a practice of at-one-ment.

This is not what we typically think of as atonement. Atonement becomes living our life fully, in each moment, as things are, as we are.

"God" Moments

When we live our life intentionally, as fully as we are able and willing, waking up each morning is atonement. Going to and being at work is atonement. Spending time with friends and loved ones is atonement.

Feeling anger when angry; feeling hurt when hurt; feeling joy when joyful are all atonement.

Likewise, waking up each moment is a "God" moment. Going to and being at work is a "God" moment. Spending time with friends and loved ones is a "God" moment.

Feeling anger when angry; feeling hurt when hurt; feeling joy when joyful are all "God" moments.

Yet we cannot take this practice mindlessly, or for granted.

Life, Death, and In-Between

The Jewish tradition teaches that on Rosh Hashana, God inscribes everyone’s name into one of three books—The Book of Life, The Book of Death, and The Book of the In-Between.

According to the Jewish tradition, the righteous are inscribed into the Book of Life, the evil are inscribed into the Book of Death, and those in-between have judgment suspended until Yom Kippur.

The language of the Jewish liturgy on Yom Kippur speaks about "Our Father, Our King," ("Avinu Malkeinu”).

How we approach our introspective examination and relate to ourselves during the High Holidays and throughout the year is a two-way mirror for how we relate to others, most especially those closest to us and with the Divine.

We may think that we sit in judgment before the Exalted on High on Yom Kippur, but it is really we who are our strongest judges.

So often, it is the man or woman in the mirror that is our strongest and harshest critic, competitor, and judge.

While I personally don’t literally believe that there is a man in the sky with a pen in his hand, this tradition has something deeper to teach. Life and death are not only absolute facts of life, but are also ways in which we can choose to orient and live our life.

Every living moment is a "God" moment.

"Choose Life!"

“I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day. I have put before you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life— if you and your offspring would live” — Deuteronomy 30:19; JPS

Now that the Jewish New Year has passed, we have heard the shofar’s call as our own and are emerging from this time of contemplation and self-examination.

What do we do next?

As Jack Kornfield writes, "After the ecstasy, the laundry".

The choice of life and the choice of death are before us. Moment by moment, breath by breath, we choose. Life or death? Life or death?

We choose life! We choose to live in a way accepting all that is alive and to walk the path of service and kindness to ourselves and others.

This way of living is beyond life and death, as is eating and drinking and sleeping.

When we face the great judge on Yom Kippur and on every day and in each moment, we struggle as Jacob did at the Jabbok river with the face of the other. We wrestle with the face of our brother and the struggle with our most significant, intimate relationships.

Each face is but one face of the Divine. Every face is the face of the Divine.

This is the practice of meditation. When we struggle against our adversary, we really struggle against ourselves and bear witness to the darkness of our dimmest shadows.

Only after facing our fiercest adversary do we capably choose life. Only then can we truly choose life.

Love Your Stranger

When we wrestle with our adversary, we befriend the stranger. When we befriend the stranger, we fall in love with the stranger. When we fall in love with the stranger, we fall in love with life. When we fall in love with life, we lose our life. When we lose our life, we regain our life, all over again.

We will never know to which book our name is inscribed. The future is uncertain. We can only act in ways congruent with our greatest self and aspiration. Every single day—each and every moment—we stand before ourselves, others, and the Divine, fully perfect, fully imperfect, fully ourselves.

During the intensive practice period between Tisha B’Av and Yom Kippur, we traverse the horrors of pain and destruction and wake up to the truth of our life and all that it contains.

Our practice never ends. When we fall in love with life, we lose life and regain it all over again.

Be kind to one another. Do justice. Befriend the stranger and adversary. See everyone in yourself and yourself in others. This is atonement. These are "God" moments.

"Do Not Squander Your Life!"

In the Zen tradition, there is a prayer that is chanted each morning called the Gatha of Atonement:

All evil karma ever committed by me since of old, Because of my beginningless greed, anger, and ignorance, Born of my body, speech, and mind, Now I atone for it all.

Similarly, in the Jewish tradition, we also offer a similar prayer of atonement each night before we lay to sleep in the bedtime Shema prayer:

I hereby forgive anyone who angered or antagonized me or who sinned against me – whether against my body, my property, my honor, or against anything of mine; whether he did so accidentally, willfully, carelessly, or purposely; whether through speech, deed, thought, or notion; whether in this transmigration or another transmigration—I forgive. (Artscroll translation)

There is a very special and necessary place for introspection, taking stock of our lives, and making repentance and amends when, and as, necessary. True forgiveness requires no less.

Each Yom Kippur, we honor and celebrate the gift and fullness of each entire moment. All of it! On each and every day!

Some days in our life feel good. Some days in our life feel bad. Sometimes we do good, and sometimes we do bad. We live lives in accord with our deepest values and aspirations, and sometimes we just miss the mark.

Eihei Dōgen writes that in life, we make "one continuous mistake."

This all is our life! Every moment and all parts of it. "Mistakes" and all!

Today and every day, we try our best. We step on and off the meditation cushion and meet this ordinary, imperfect day face-to-face; we meet this ordinary, imperfect face day-to-day.

At the end of each day of a traditional Zen retreat, a prayer is read aloud:

Let me respectfully remind you, Life and death are of supreme importance. Time swiftly passes by and opportunity is lost. Each of us should strive to awaken. Awaken! Take heed! Do not squander your lives!

This next year and always, treat yourself kindly. Treat yourself as God would treat you. "Do not squander your life!"

After the ecstasy, "one continuous mistake"; after this moment, "one continuous mistake."

May you now and forever be inscribed into the Book of Life!

Choose life! Your life! This life! This moment! This breath!